Archery :)

CaptJack · Post by **CaptJack** » Thu Mar 26, 2009 10:58 am

Around age 10 my dad got me one of those little badass long bow beginner kits. Of course, the first month I went around our land sticking arrows in anything that could get stuck by an arrow. Did you know that a 1955 40horse Farmall tractor will take 6 rounds before it goes down? Tough SOB.

That got boring, so being the 10 yr. old Dukes of Hazard fan that I was, I quickly advanced to taking strips of cut up T-shirt doused in chainsaw gas tied around the end and was sending flaming arrows all over the place. Keep in mind this was 99.999% humidity swampland so there really wasn't any fire danger. Ill put it this way- a set of post hole diggers and a 3ft. hole and you had yourself a well.

One summer afternoon, I was shooting flaming arrows into a large rotten oak stump in our backyard. I looked over under the carport and see a shiny brand new can of starting fluid (ether). The light bulb went off. I grabbed the can and set it on the stump. I thought that it would probably just spray out in a disappointing manner... let’s face it to a 10 yr. old mouth-breather like myself ether really doesn't "sound" flammable le. So, I went back into the house and got a 1 pound can of dads muzzleloader pyrodex . At this point, I set the can of ether on the stump and opened up the can of black powder. My intentions were to sprinkle a little bit around the ether can but it all sorta dumped out on me. No biggie... 1lb pyrodex and 16oz ether should make a loud pop, kinda like a firecracker you know? You know what? Heck with that. I'm going back in the house for the other can. Yes, I got a second can of pyrodex and dumped it too.

Now we're cookin'. I stepped back about 15ft and lit the 2 stroke arrow. I drew the nock to my cheek and let fly. As I released I heard a swish as the arrow launched from my bow. In a slow motion time frame, I turned to see my dad getting out of the truck... OH CRAP he just got home from work. So help me God it took 10 minutes for that arrow to go from my bow to the can. My dad was walking towards me in slow motion with a WTF look in his eyes. I turned back towards my target just in time to see the arrow pierce the starting fluid can right at the bottom. Right through the main pile of pyrodex and into the can. Oh. Hell. When the shock wave hit it knocked me off my feet. I don't know if it was the actual compression wave that threw me back or just reflex jerk back from 235 MF’n decibels of sound. I caught a half a millisecond glimpse of the violence during the initial explosion and I will tell you there was du st, grass, and bugs all hovering 1ft above the ground as far as I could see.

It was like a little low to the ground layer of dust fog full of grasshoppers, spiders, and a crawfish or two. The daylight turned purple. Let me repeat this... THE DAMN DAYLIGHT TURNED PURPLE. There was a big sweetgum tree out by the gate going into the pasture. Notice I said "was". That mother got up and ran off. So here I am, on the ground blown completely out of my shoes with my thundercats T-shirt shredded, my dad is on the other side of the carport having what I can only assume is a Vietnam flashback ECHO BRAVO CHARLIE YOUR BRINGIN' EM IN TOO CLOSE!! CEASE FIRE GOLL DAMIT CEASE FIRE!!!!!

His hat has blown off and is 30 ft. behind him in the driveway. All windows on the north side of the house are blown out and there is a slow rolling mushroom cloud about 2000ft over our backyard. There is a Honda 185s 3 wheeler parked on the other side of the yard and the fenders are drooped down and are now touching the tires. I wish I knew what I said to my dad at this moment. I don't know- I know I said something. I couldn't hear. I couldn't hear inside my own head. I don't think he heard me either... not that it would really matter. I don't remember much from this point on. I said something, felt a sharp pain, and then woke up later. I felt a sharp pain, blacked out, woke later.... repeat this process for an hour or so and you get the idea. I remember at some point my mom had to give me CPR so dad could beat me some more.

Bring him back to life so dad can kill him again. Thanks mom. One thing is for sure... I never had to mow around that stump again. Mom had been bitching about that thing for years and dad never did anything about it. I stepped up to the plate and handled business. Dad sold his muzzleloaders a week or so later. And I still have some sort of bone growth abnormality either from the blast or the beating. Or both. I guess what I'm trying to say is, get your kids into archery. Its good discipline and will teach them skills they can use later on in life

Night Wing · Post by **Night Wing** » Thu Mar 26, 2009 11:08 am

I find archery really relieves lots of pent up stress. I'm going to shoot some different sized spined arrows I made up once I'm away from my computer today.

bowgarguide · Post by **bowgarguide** » Thu Mar 26, 2009 11:53 am

Capt Jack
I had a few experiences simular to that growing up
Its a wonder we ever survived to get grown.
Ron

osoobsessed · Post by **osoobsessed** » Thu Mar 26, 2009 1:41 pm

now that is a awesome story!!!!!

thanks for sharing Capt!!!

budreaux · Post by **budreaux** » Thu Mar 26, 2009 2:35 pm

LMAO Capt!!!! That is one funny story!

yakin ag · Post by **yakin ag** » Thu Mar 26, 2009 3:51 pm

That's great!

PawPaw · Post by **PawPaw** » Thu Mar 26, 2009 4:57 pm

Now that sh;t is funny. My old lady had to give me cpr , laughed so hard I couldn't breath.

Knot Right · Post by **Knot Right** » Sat Mar 28, 2009 8:06 pm

I think that I just relived several experiences from my childhood. We (yes we) concocted a similar plan, but instead of ether and archery, it was gasoline and kerosene and roman candles. I couldn't blink right for three months and we melted the vinyl siding off of my cousin's trailer and burned down a 90 ft pecan tree that fell about 8 inches short of the house and turned one of those red big wheels into a molten pile of plastic.....

Sneaky · Post by **Sneaky** » Sat Mar 28, 2009 8:16 pm

That rivals Bill Heavey right there. Good stuff.

budreaux · Post by **budreaux** » Sat Mar 28, 2009 9:37 pm

Hell I'm still laughing at that one

bradtex · Post by **bradtex** » Mon Mar 30, 2009 10:24 am

Great story.
I once put gunpowder in a tic tac box with a homemade fuse. Good times.

Coastal Country · Post by **Coastal Country** » Wed Apr 01, 2009 11:05 am

OMG that was a blast from the past. I did something similar.......Three days ago

Bloodhound · Post by **Bloodhound** » Wed Apr 22, 2015 10:52 pm

That's gotta be the best story ever! I'm envious

LOOKN4REDS · Post by **LOOKN4REDS** » Thu Apr 23, 2015 7:29 pm

DAYUM! I don't care who are. That's just damn funny. Great story love it.

Pablo · Post by **Pablo** » Wed May 06, 2015 1:03 pm

Most excellent CaptJack!

Mangomania · Post by **Mangomania** » Wed May 06, 2015 6:04 pm

Now that was too funny!!!

Alsatian · Post by **Alsatian** » Thu May 07, 2015 3:11 pm

I'm happy to see a NW post.

Yaklash · Post by **Yaklash** » Fri May 08, 2015 11:08 am

Alsatian wrote:I'm happy to see a NW post.

It is over 6 years old, that reply from NW.

I hadn't ever read this post, so thanks to whoever pulled it up. Great read Capt Jack, Thunderrcats T-shirt?!?!? I think you must be younger than I

Chief Brody · Post by **Chief Brody** » Fri May 08, 2015 11:57 am

nw from 2009...

kids and flamables go together like cookies and milk.

Summer in Laredo could convince even boys to stay in some days, especially since the folks were at work. My mom (or santa) had bought my brother and me a few of those old model car kits, which once we had finished assembling we proceeded to make our own demolition derby in the living room. They didn't stand up to well to this normal wear and tear, but once we discovered that welding the parts together with a cigarette lighter made them much more durable we could really crashem up hard. I don't remember who thought of it first, I'm sure I later told my mom it was my brother but since I was the 11 year old smoker, it was probably me, but in any event at some point we thought about how cool it would look if we crashed them and made fire and smoke come out - just like in (what we thought) was real life.

Now what could we use to produce the desired results? Well, model glue of course. So we loaded up the inside of the cars with a tube or so each, lit them off - and sent them crashing into each other on the living room floor - it was spectacular! Fire, smoke, the flaming pieces of 68 Mustang careening off into the distance...onto the couch...and the sliding glass door curtain...

So, my folks were pretty mad at the soaking wet couch, and plenty mad at the burnt and soaked curtain, and it took me and my brother quite a bit of elbow grease to get the black ash stuff off the white ceiling - but my step father did say he was impressed by my quick thinking to get the hose out of the back yard to put out the fire before it got out of control...so I had that going for me.

Tkf_magikstik · Post by **Tkf_magikstik** » Thu Jul 23, 2015 9:29 pm

Too fun!

Prof. Salt · Post by **Prof. Salt** » Thu Oct 08, 2015 9:42 am

Oh man, it's like reliving the old days at a family reunion!

I've done lots of things that should have gotten me killed, but Captain none of my adventures were quite that funny! Thanks for sharing you made my day.

MocoYaker · Post by **MocoYaker** » Thu Oct 08, 2015 12:03 pm

Awesome story!

YotaYakk · Post by **YotaYakk** » Thu Oct 08, 2015 12:07 pm

That story beats the heck out shooting arrows out of a .410 lol good stuff!

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